Warning: The events of this story are based on real happenings. This story may shock you.
Once, not too long ago, like an hour and a half ago, a handful of legends played a game of pickup basketball with some previously not well-known basketball players. The teams were lopsided; victory was far from a dream. Defeat was laughable. Unimaginable. But somehow, it happened.
Spudd Webb - PG
Clyde Drexler - SG
James Worthy - SF
Karl Malone - PF
Hakeem Olajuwon - C
John Crotty - PG
Jiggy Watkins - SG
Quintin Richardson - SF
Ike Austin - PF
George Muresan - C
Who should win this game?
Well, my friends, the legends met something they did not expect. No referees. Call your own fouls. So, these guys who are used to bumping, nudging, let-em-go ticky-tacks start getting fouls called. And not just a few.
Every defensive play against the No-Names resulted in a foul. In most cases, there were several fouls called. Clyde the Glide and Hakeem the Dream were confused: why all the calls? It messed with the flow of the game. It made the game one-sided. Most of all, it made the game not fun.
Ok, game 1 is done. The legends lost. So, let's pick it up in game 2!
Same thing happens, except this time, the legends start calling fouls, too. Arguments break out. "I didn't touch you!" "That was a jump ball if my arm is considered the ball." "But it was after the shot!"
Game 2 ends with another loss for the legends. What was going on?! This was unbelievable!
Moving onto game three, the legends come out with a dominating presence. The score quickly escalates to 7-0. And then guess what? Foul! What? Foul!
Foul, foul, foul!
The score is now 8-5. What was going on? Foul! Offensive, defensive, whatever-ensive! Foul! The score is 14-14. Tied? How? Foul!
Ike Austin hits a miracle 3 to win it. How did this happen? George Muresan's FLAGRANT elbow throwing in the lane. Quintin Richardson's ugly flopping. Jiggy Watkin's 'You touched my pinky! Foul!'
What has the game of basketball come to? All I know is Drexler is done playing ball with Muresan. And Olajuwon maybe done, too. LONG LIVE PURE BASKETBALL!